Why do gay men marry women
MARYKENNY
A friend of mine, who is a gay man, was explaining to me that he was once engaged to be married to a lady. “She was lovely,” he said. “I was mad about her.”
One way or another the proposed engagement didn’t materialise. The lady was the loser. He is a excellent guy, and any woman would be privileged to possess him as her partner in life.
Indeed, I can hardly count the number of middle-aged, and older, women I have heard remarking that they would love to marry a male lover man. It is a frequent topic of conversation, sometimes, perhaps tending towards benevolent generalisations. “Gay men are so kind, so thoughtful, so sensitive, such wonderful friends, such fun to be with..” That’s something I’ve heard many a time from ladies of a certain age on the lookout for a second (or perhaps subsequent) husband.
It is adequately established that when a divorce occurs, heterosexual men remarry at a speedier rate than their former wives. And they often travel down the age scale. Some studies have claimed that a man’s second wife is, on average, seven years younger than his first. (And presumably the
Why Do Gay People Marry Linear Partners?
(Author not attributed)
Some homosexual men marry heterosexual partners because getting married is what we all learned is the ‘right’ thing to do. Our customs is geared toward heterosexual married relationships, and gay people, favor their heterosexual brothers, want to fit in and do the right thing.
Some Gay men who marry partners of the antonym sex do so in the hope that they will earn over their homosexual feelings. That was exactly what Edward, a friend of mine, expected when he married Katherine. “We were both young,” said Edward, “and neither of us knew anything about homosexuality. I even told Katherine that I had these feelings but the psychiatrist I was seeing reassured me I would get over it, and the best thing I could do was to get married and have children.” Shortly after the birth of their second daughter, six years into their marriage, and after ten years of seeing the same psychiatrist, Edward left his wife.
“I didn’t get over it,” said Edward. “In fact, by the second I left Katherine and fired the psychiatrist I couldn’t hold been more certain that I was gay and that my psychiatrist was a quack.”
Edward’s life is not
Asarchaicas it might sound, even with all the media hype, touting celebratory strides forward for LGBTQ rights, there's still a dirty small societal secret getting brushed under the rug... gay men, in droves, are still being forced, shamed, and belief-poisoned to do the right thing -- marry heterosexual women even though they (the men) recognize they're gay.
Now, before you glass house dwellers begin throwing your hostile verbal and judgmental assaults, I welcome you to swear on a stack of Bible's that you've stood in a gay man's shoes, pummeled emotionally and intellectually by family, church, and society's pressure to be the heterosexual marrying kind. Yes, stand in his shoes and construct sure they fit perfectly like Cinderella's glass slipper, before you open your condescending, wicked stepsister, sneering mouth.
If you haven't lived and breathed sexual orientation confusion, felt gay shame, or laid awake at night wishing that you really could pray the same-sex attracted away, then honestly, you've nothing to contribute to this discussion and everything to learn from reading further as to why some gay men seize the road of heterosexual matrimony instead of embracing the truth of who they are
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to construct eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost afraid to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, exhibiting all the markers of an anxious man in the throes of shame. He was a unused client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a long hour to muster the courage to call and create an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I think I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I have worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with being in the closet or wanting to materialize from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to share my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a few years ago. That presentation led to other opportunities to tell their story and of my work with them. Those presentations prompted men to write to